5 things we will try to do in 2019

So this post is really similar to the 2019 goals post from a few weeks ago. That one was my personal goals, this one is things we want to achieve or do as a family in 2019.

We want to make this the best year so far for Harry. He's so much more aware of everything that's going on around him now, so we really want to have some fun and create great memories for not just Harry, but all of us.

Obviously we have more goals as a family but some of them are quite personal and not really something we want to be spreading all over the internet, but we do have some good ones that we are happy to share and hopefully with having them here we will be more encouraged to stick to them!

1. Take a holiday! This one I am determined to stick to this year. To be fair we are incredibly lucky that Sam's parents have a caravan on the Norfolk coast that we are able to use quite often - and we do- but the last holiday Sam and I took was for my 20th and his 22nd birthday - coming up 7 years ago now! So this year I really want to get away properly.
We are looking at North Cornwall for our birthday again this year. Cornwall is one of our favourite places to visit in the UK and we are so excited to be taking Harry there to show him the beautiful scenery and of course all of our favourite little places.
We have plans for our holiday next year to somewhere much more exotic but as Harry and I don't have passports and have never been abroad we felt that Cornwall was the perfect destination for our first proper family holiday, but watch out for next year!

2. Spend more time together without electronics. We rely far too much lately on the TV, Harry's tablet and our phones, especially as a way to keep Harry entertained when Sam and I have has a long day at work and just want to relax - The joys of working full time as a parent - but we want to make an effort to spend some real quality time with Harry without being sat in front of the TV or giving him his tablet. Then again I would really love an excuse not to have to hear the Twirlywoo's or Baby Shark again! We want to spend the little time we have together as a family going to the park, taking walks or even just playing with Harry in his bedroom or the garden and  we have a few exciting day trips planned for the summer. Sam's goal is for Harry to love being outdoors as much as he does as he doesn't seemed to be able to get me to enjoy it quite that much. He's also majorly excited that Harry is loving kicking a ball around lately and has big plans for the summer for the two of them.

3. Don't make everything about spending money This one is defiantly one for Sam but if I'm honest mostly me. I'm the spender in the family and always seem to think the more money I spend the more fun everyone is going to have - which is definatly not the case. As Sam and I approach our 10 year anniversary - How is that even possible? - I think back to the days we've had that we've enjoyed most, and honestly some of our best days have been when we don't spend a lot, with things like picnics - which is one of my favourite things to do- or even for a walk with a coffee and an ice cream. Its harder in the winter to think of cheap or free things to do because lets face it I don't want to take Harry out in the freezing cold all the time but sometimes going for a chilly winter walk is the best!

4. Save Money! Who doesn't have this as a goal 99% of the time? I suppose this one follows on from the last. Sam and I have no savings - literally zero. For the first few years living together we really struggled and basically lived pay check to pay check, getting into all sort of money troubles that we are slowly clawing our way out of due to one thing or another like being on maternity pay and paying for childcare. There was just nothing to spare.
We are now finally n a place where we can live somewhat comfortably and have a little spare money and would like to put some of this away for a rainy day. We would also like to be completely debt free - isn't that the dream? And eventually save to buy our own house. We want to make sure Harry has everything he needs and we can give him the best opportunities and experiences.

5. Live a healthier lifestyle. This one doesn't really apply to Harry because for some reason we have always been quite health conscious when it comes to what Harry eats, and he definitely gets enough exercise running around like a headless chicken all day everyday, but Sam and I seem to have fallen into a rut again with food and I get next to no exercise - at least Sam has a physical job.
But we are making a real conscious decision to make healthier choices. I'm not saying that it means there will be no more McDonalds. They just won't be happening as often!

Why sometimes being a mum SUCKS

I love being a mum. Honestly. I love waking up in the morning hearing Harry calling for me through the monitor (yes we still use a monitor, I'm paranoid) and seeing his little face light up. I love having him run to me with a massive smile on his face and watching him grow and develop.

Being a mum has taught me so much. Taught me how much it is possible to love someone and how little I knew about love and sacrifice before Harry came along. 

But sometimes, being a mum sucks.

I know, I know, I'm not supposed to say that. I'm supposed to keep on about how amazing it is and how I wouldn't change it for the world. And it is. And I wouldn't.

But it still really sucks sometimes. 

I became a mum at 23. I was nowhere near ready to look after another human being, I could barely look after myself. Becoming a mum forced me to grow up and quickly at that.

Being a mum means I can't be selfish. I can be spontaneous anymore, not that I ever really was, but before Harry, I had that option. I can't just wake up in the morning and decide I want to go out all day, I can just decide to nip to the pub with friends after work because I need to make sure someone is there for Harry. I always need to have things planned well in advance and even then they might not happen because my babysitter falls through or Harry becomes ill. My leaving the house depends on so much now, where it never used to depend on anything.

When I became a mum, I was over the moon, but I couldn't help feeling that I had lost my freedom.

I also really struggled with finding a balance between 'Mummy' and 'Kat'. For so long I didn't understand that there was a difference. But there is, and I am more than just Mummy. I am also more than just Kat but for the longest time I felt like I had changed into a mummy, I had completely lost my identity. I still struggle with the balance sometimes but I am making more of an effort to really embrace the Kat in me. Work certainly helps with that, but I'm pretty sure that my work friends are sick of hearing my Harry stories because let's face it, I don't really have much else to take about.

The pressure to be a perfect mum made parenting so much harder. I had pressure from right when I first found out I was pregnant. But its never good enough. Breastfeed, bottle feed, wean at 4 months, wait until 6 months, don't use this, don't do that.

And then there is the money side of it. Kids are expensive. Like really expensive. It's not just the nappies and wipes and milk and clothes, it's the childcare fees and the gas bill that shoots up because you have to now keep your house at a certain temperature to make sure the baby is healthy. It's not having enough money to buy yourself the desperately needed clothes because once again your child has gone through a growth spurt and none of his clothes fit him.

If we didn't have Harry, Sam and I would be in such a better situation financially. Thankfully Harry now gets free hours at nursery and the bill is slowly decreasing, but when I first went back to work I was pretty much working to pay his childcare. I will always be a big advocate for nursery and would never dream about taking Harry out of nursery because they have truly been and continue to be an amazing support for not only Harry but us as well as parents who clearly have no idea what we are doing. But gosh it's expensive.

I know this post has seemed really negative about being a parent, but I don't want to lie. I don't want to pretend being a mum is all rainbows and kittens because it really isn't. There are some days when I sit there and think, I just can't do this anymore. Your life is not your own anymore and its something that when thinking about having a child you really have to be willing to accept.

There are some truly magical moments being a mum, and these make the sucky moments worth it. 

My 2019 Goals

WOW! Where did 2018 go? I honestly cannot believe we are in 2019 already! Christmas and new year, usually my favourite time of the year, just seemed to go by in a blur. I worked right up to Christmas for the first time since having Harry and that was hard, not being with him especially this Christmas when he really seemed to know what was going on, but we got through it and I think he had a great day.

I was ill over new year, again. I'm really not even surprised it happens every single year. Luckily, Sam and I aren't really partiers and so it was our usual few drinks with a Chinese in front of the TV. We watched the BBC's ABC Murders, which was really good! (and Rupert Grint... Hello).

It's amazing how much things change when you become a parent. Years ago we would have stayed up literally all night drinking on New Year's Eve, playing games and listening to music and generally being rowdy. This year we were struggling to stay awake and just about saw in midnight before passing out in bed.

Ah, what a life we lead!

2018 for us was a year of ups and downs, I'm not going to go into it into too many details in this post, but looking back at it all got me thinking about the things I want to achieve this year.

I never call them New Year's Resolutions because it feels like something I would set in January and completely forget about in the months to come. I prefer to think of them as 'goals'. Something to work towards throughout the year.

Obviously, I have some personal goals that I won't be sharing on here but there are some I'm excited to share certain ones with you, more in the hope that putting it out there on the internet means I may actually achieve them!

1. Blog more regularly. My blog is my space, my little piece of the internet where I can be me, not mummy. It's something I love doing and this year I really want to take time to focus more on this blog.

2. Become more organised. This is one I hate myself for because for a really long time I was super organised, but somehow I just let it slip away. I'm going to be taking steps to ensure I am more organised this year. I've done a load of research on this and discovered bullet journalling, which to me just seemed completely AMAZING. My bullet journal is ready to go now and I'm excited to start getting the best use out of it. Would anyone like to see a post on bullet journalling? I'm thinking I could do a whole series through the year on my experience with my bullet journal.

3. Take more pictures. This one seems to be on my list EVERY year. Hopefully, I will stick to it this year!

4. Lose weight. It's not even about losing the baby weight anymore. I have finally admitted I am seriously overweight but have a plan in place to help me shift some of that extra weight and start to feel good about myself again.

5. Focus on Me. This one is a really big one for me. I'm a people pleaser mostly and will always put anyone else needs before my own. I want to focus on me this year. (obviously, I will still be putting Harry first)

What are your 2019 goals?

Where It All Started

Birth Story

Harry's birth story seemed like a fitting first post on here. Bear with me because it was written months ago. More posts to follow ever...