Dear Harry...

My dearest darling boy,

Today your surgery got postponed again. Your dad and I didn't take it very well honestly. We have been going through all of the emotions in these last few months and honestly, it doesn't feel much better than it did when we first heard that you were going to be having surgery.

Honestly, I'm scared. This feels big and important, which of course it is. When we finally get a new date we will be travelling to London on the train, which I know you will love, get some bloods taken and then your surgery is scheduled for the next day. Your dad and I will stay with you when they put you under and then will be sent off to get some food and get out of the hospital that will, hopefully only for a week, be our home.

You will be in surgery for around six hours. When you get out, you will not be awake. the doctors assure me you will not be in pain for those first few days but that doesnt stop me worrying about how you will be feeling. I know you will be sedated but will you be feeling the pain? Or will you even know that mummy and daddy are there, watching over you.

Before you, my darling boy, I did not think I was a strong person. I never expected to be able to do something like this. I'm terrified for you, but I also know this is something I am going to remember for the rest of my life and I think that is the scariest thing

When we first heard about your surgery, I wanted to hold you tight and never let go. I wanted to say no. All of a sudden you seemed so tiny and I didn't know how I was going to handle it.

We had your Pre-Op appointment in February and you flew through it. The staff at Great Ormand Street hospital were all so amazing but I think it was seeing the ward that really kind of put me at ease. I walked into the CICU ward and heard the sounds and smelt the smell and realised that, although this is going to be really hard, we've done ICU before, Everything on that ward reminded me of when you were in NICU, which seriously helped me. It still feels like the most horrible thing for you to be going through, for us to be going through but I do feel like we have this.

I'm still scared baby boy, but together, you, your dad and I will get through this.

I love you Bug.

Mummy xxx

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